


Joined by Destiny

by 852_Prospect_Archivist



Series: Destiny Series by JC [3]
Category: The Sentinel
Genre: M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1998-12-16
Updated: 1998-12-16
Packaged: 2017-12-11 04:48:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 20,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/794121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/852_Prospect_Archivist/pseuds/852_Prospect_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The path of true love may not always run smoothly, but what better path is there?<br/>This story is a sequel to Touched by Destiny.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This the third story in the Destiny series. It helps if you have read 'Guided' and 'Touched'. As always, I appreciate comments, please feel free to e-mail me.

Due to the length of this story, it has been split into two parts.

## Joined by Destiny

by JC

Author's webpage: <http://www.skeeter63.org/jayci/>

Author's disclaimer: The characters from the TV series "The Sentinel" are not my property, and I am not making money off of them. Also, any lyrics used are the property of their authors, no money made there either. That's it.

* * *

Joined by Destiny by J.C. - part one 

**PRESENT DAY:**

Blair couldn't keep still. Not that that was totally out of the ordinary. It was normal for the anthropologist to be bursting with energy. To be talking, gesturing, _moving_. But right now, he wanted to be composed. In fact, he had retreated to this room to get a little privacy so that he could meditate, and hopefully center himself and calm his spirit. But he couldn't concentrate. He was too happy. 

As agitated as he was, it wasn't because he was anxious, or scared, or nervous, and he had thought he would be all those things. But really, he was just so _excited_ , so _ready_. That revelation amazed him. He had been worried that, as time went on, the reality of the situation would hit him all at once and the desire to run would overtake him. But no, there were no doubts, no fear, just an energetic state of readiness, an irrepressible sense of rightness. And that was as it should be. That was what both he and Jim deserved. 

Three years of being partners and best friends hadn't adequately prepared them for the task of trying to connect and stay connected as lovers. It had taken another year to get them from dancing around the fact that they loved each other to coming into their own as a couple. And, this past year had shown them that the changes they had gone through, all the times that they had laughed and cried, had left them with a love that was strong, a love that would carry them through the years. 

Wide grin spread across his face, Blair stood in front of the mirror, no longer trying to control his emotions as he straightened his clothes, tied his hair back as neatly as he could manage, then checked his watch. Thirty more minutes. When he crossed over to the window and looked out over the lake, scanning the group of people gathered outside, he noticed Simon among them. If Simon was there, that meant Jim was there. He took deep breaths, not wanting Jim to misinterpret the racing of his heart, and regarded the group again, noting with pleasure those present. 

The past year had been good, not easy exactly, but so many important things had been decided, and it hadn't been nearly as hard as they had thought it would be. It had been the year that for the most part, friends had proven to be friends. The year that Jim and Blair declared that for them, love was forever. 

* * *

**FLASHBACK:**

Fun, sun and sex on the beach.... 'Forget heaven,' Blair thought. 'I've died and gone to Key West.' He was having the time of his life. And it wasn't just the place, although there was no denying that being outdoors in a sunny climate appealed to him, especially after winter in Cascade. But it was Jim who had made the difference. Jim in Key West. Here, Jim was so...free. That was the only way to describe it. Blair knew that part of it probably stemmed from what they had gone through the month before...working through the issues that Jim had about being involved with a man again. But a lot also had to do with being away, far from Cascade, that sense of distance. Maybe anyplace would have accomplished the same thing, but because they were _there_ , Blair knew Key West would always have a special place in his heart. 

Jim's whole attitude had adjusted. Before they left home, he had worked through his hesitancy regarding touching his partner in public, reverting back to his previous level of physical contact. But here, he seemed to touch Blair like a lover. Not intimate touches, but more personal ones. And they talked...a lot. Without any prompting from the younger man, Jim had just started opening up more. He didn't talk non-stop, as Blair was wont to do, but he let out bits and pieces in the course of his conversations. And Blair was loving it. 

During the days, they lazed on the beach, went sightseeing, and other touristy stuff. At night, they tended to stay in at the cottage, occasionally venturing out to try out a restaurant. Once, Blair did convince Jim to go to a club, giving them a chance to explore Key West's gay social scene. The younger man had half expected his lover to be uncomfortable, but Jim just seemed happy to be out with Blair by his side. Jim himself felt suddenly ordinary surrounded by all of the men. Experiencing something he hadn't been able to when he worked bars and such in his Vice days. Even so, Blair couldn't quite convince his partner to dance. Jim insisted that he didn't know how, and wasn't swayed even when his Guide explained that there was no such thing as not knowing how to dance. That all you had to do was _move_ , and he had firsthand knowledge that Jim knew how to move. So they didn't stay late, taking their leave out of deference to sensitive Sentinel hearing and Blair's assertion that if he couldn't dance, he might as well be home, _moving_ with the man in his life. 

On the last night, they made dinner together in the kitchen of the beachhouse, eating it on the deck overlooking the water. They were both a little quiet, thinking about how their trip was coming to an end. When the meal was finished, Jim cleared away the dishes, turning off the lights inside, leaving the area around them in shadows. He took a seat and gazed at the ocean. 

Turning in his lover's direction, smile on his face and a glint in his eye, Jim said, "You know, Chief, I've been waiting for two weeks for you to spring it on me." 

"Spring what, Jim?" Blair blew out the candles that were on the table. 

"Sex on the beach, you know, you're supposed to be convincing me." 

"Well, the more I thought about it, the more it occurred to me who was the most likely to get sand stuck in the crack of their ass and spend another two weeks trying to get the stuff out of their hair. Not worth it, man." 

"Not worth it? Now my feelings are hurt." 

"Yeah right." Now it was Blair's turn to smile with a glint in _his_ eye. "Okay... how about sex _close_ to the beach?" He directed Jim's attention to the sand and shore just in front of them. 

"Blair, I was kidding. Anybody can just come through here." 

"Jim... Jim... Jim. I'm gonna have to teach you a lesson. You should never kid about things like that." Blair grinned wickedly, pleased at calling Jim's bluff. He got up, pulling off his T-shirt as he did so, letting it fall to the ground. 

Jim stared at Blair's exposed skin, loving the way the moonlight flirted with the darkness, leaving dancing strips of light across the slender body. A flash directed his sensitive eye to his lover's hairy chest, which rose and fell with deep slow breaths. He eyed the bulge pushing out the front of Blair's shorts and felt his breathing adjust to match his partner's and his dick harden inside his own shorts, as if to match that as well. As his lover stepped towards him, Jim focused on one enticing nipple peeking out from its nest of chest hair, silver ring passing through its center. Reaching out, he pulled Blair to stand between his legs, one finger touching the hardened nub, tracing circles around it. Blair trembled, gasping out a strangled breath, and the sound sent a delicious sensation straight to Jim's hard-on, dampness spreading as the head of it started to drool. Jim rubbed his thumb over the nipple that had captured his attention, and tugged sharply on the ring. 

Blair moaned, his dick throbbing, and before he knew it he was in Jim's lap, their crotches rubbing and their tongues meeting. 

Jim thrust his hands inside Blair's shorts, anxious to feel more bare skin. He matched his palms to the curve of Blair's ass, squeezing the firm flesh and sending his fingers on teasing journeys into the cleft between the cheeks. 

Blair had a tight grip on Jim's shoulders as he rode the hardness beneath him. And then he was coming, and coming, flooding the inside of his shorts with sticky wetness. 

Blair panted, "That... was..." 

"...just the beginning," Jim finished, unable to muster up _any_ resistance to being out in the open. 

He lifted Blair so that he could undress him. Blair stepped out of his shorts and then Jim's hands were turning him to face the splendor of the ocean at night. Jim took off his own shorts; his cock hard and ready, registering only faint surprise when Blair handed him a bottle of something to use for lubrication. He used his fingers to make sure his lover was ready to receive him, reaching around to twist the nipple that had started the whole thing, then pulled Blair down by the hips, positioning the lubed opening over the blunt head of his dick. 

Jim grabbed himself with one hand, and with a steadying hand on Blair's hip, pushed past the opening, and when he felt Blair pulse his internal muscles, he almost came on the spot. He took hold, a hand on either side of his lover, and guided Blair in small bounces until he was buried to the balls in sweet tightness. 

Blair took over, going up and down in a rhythm he was comfortable with, riding Jim's cock until his lover was bucking up hard to meet him. Then he slowed it down, only to start again, picking up the pace one more time, thrilling to the sensations, reveling in Jim's urgent whispers of "Oh, shit!" or "Blair!" with every thrust. 

Jim felt he could die right there, connected to his lover in that most intimate of ways, but he was determined not to go alone. He reached around, using both hands to play with Blair's nipples, then grabbed the thick cock which was again rockhard, pulling on it in time to their movements, stroking until the younger man was dripping with the need for release and moaning into the night air. 

Once again, Blair took control of the situation. This time by throwing back his head and whispering, "Come for me, Jim. Come inside of me. Let me feel you fill me." That was all it took. Jim's eruption overflowed the tight channel, and Blair was right behind him, letting loose creamy bursts of cum that splattered the deck, and glistened in the moonlight. 

After a minute to calm their breathing, Jim carefully eased out of his lover, and kissed him lightly on the side of his neck. Blair barely moved, his body leaning back into Jim, cooling as the slight ocean breeze touched the sheen of sweat that covered him. 

Jim lifted the damp strands of hair that hid the back of Blair's neck. He nuzzled the area, pulling in the scent. "Let's go get cleaned up and get some rest. We have a long day tomorrow." 

"How about we go take a shower," Blair countered, " then come back for a moonlight dip? Give me a chance to see those Speedos in action." 

Jim rolled his eyes. "Sandburg, I've worn the things, and I have the tan lines to prove it." 

"Yeah, but you never gave me the chance to see them _wet_." 

Jim suddenly had very graphic flashes of Blair rising dripping wet from the water. In his mind's eye he followed the trail as water ran down the compact body, followed it all the way to the little red bikinis that his lover had bought. The soaked red fabric clinging in all the right places. He imagined it molding to Blair's cock, which would be hard and barely contained, his balls heavy and bulging. He imagined his lover turning so that he could see the drops run from the ends of his hair, down that muscled back to the perfect ass. An ass that was encased in tight, wet material that read 'Speedo' in big letters. Oh yeah, wet is good. Jim cleared his throat as he felt the desire build. 

"I know you, Chief, it won't stop at a swim. Come on, get up, you're getting heavy." 

Jim rose from the chair, bringing Blair up with him. He shook his legs a little, and stretched, using that as a cover for calming himself. 

"Well," Blair said, "it _is_ our last night. Who wants to sleep anyway?" 

"Right, but you'll be sleeping in the car all the way back to Miami, while I'm driving at six in the morning." 

"Fine, I'll drive." 

"But, I let you drive down." 

"Let me? Please, Jim. You practically _pushed_ me behind the wheel of that car. I'm still not exactly sure what auto-related erotic fantasies were going through your mind, but don't think I didn't notice you staring at me the whole time." 

Jim busied himself picking up their discarded clothing, thankful that Blair didn't have his heightened sense of sight. He was sure his whole _body_ was blushing. 

"So," Blair continued, walking up close behind Jim as Jim bent to wipe up the deck with Blair's used shorts, "...let's see...you like seeing me handle power? Wind whipping through my hair, hands gripping the wheel? Were you turning your senses up so that you could intensify the engine rumbling in your ear and vibrating under your ass, and getting off on knowing that I was controlling it? Is that what got you? Because, you didn't even take the time to unpack, you know, before you were face down, offering yourself to me." 

Jim twisted out of Blair's reach, clutching the articles of clothing in front of him. "You know, Sandburg, it's not necessary to point out _everything_. It's okay to give a guy a break sometimes." 

Blair closed the distance, as Jim watched him. The moonlight seemed to spotlight Blair's growing erection, and when he pushed the clothes out of Jim's hands, he saw that his lover was already hard. He pressed their bodies together. 

"Jim, I love it. Everything new I learn about you, makes me love you more. I don't know how you see it, but don't you know how _sexy_ I think you are? How strong, how giving, how loving? And hey, I have _no_ problem with being the object of your fantasies. You didn't exactly have to twist my arm to join you on that bed, you know. In fact, if you had asked nicely, I would have bent you over the hood of that car, and made love to you while you could still feel the heat from the engine. We could go start her up now...." 

"Chief... " 

"Jim...." 

Blair started kissing his way down Jim's body, then back up again. He grabbed the oil and pulled his lover over to the chaise lounge that sat in the corner. Jim stretched out on it, while Blair straddled the foot of it, leaning down to make little biting trails on the strong thighs. Then he sucked and kissed the swollen, heavy balls, licking the skin at the crease between groin and leg, all the while torturously avoiding the hardened flesh tap dancing against Jim's abs. He held the oil up high and squeezed the bottle, focusing the larger man's attention on the stream as it dripped onto the two fingers he held just above the straining cock. 

Seconds later, those two fingers were making their way inside Jim's body, and Jim stopped breathing. When his breath came back, it came in little catches as though he were a kid trying hard not to cry. 

"Tell me, Jim. Tell me what you fantasize. Just between you, me and the ocean in the dark." Blair worked the fingers, anticipating. "Just whisper it to me, babe. Tell me..." There was just the sound of Jim's breathing. "Okay, not talking...." He removed his fingers. 

"No.... no...." Jim found his voice, strained though it was. 

"See, that wasn't so hard, was it? But, I'm not teasing you, I'm just getting more of this." 

Jim felt a few slick drops hit the head of his dick. Then Blair's fingers were back inside him. Three by the feel of it. 

"Do you love me, Jim?" At the nod of Jim's head, Blair tried again. "Do you _love_ me, Jim?" A softly drawn out 'yes' answered him. 

"Do you trust me?" 

"Yeeesss." 

"And does this feel good?" 

"Yeeesss." 

"So, what? It's okay for me to have your heart and your body, but not your mind?" 

"'S not it....hard to say... out loud." 

Blair removed his fingers and oiled up his cock, and did the same to Jim. 

"Okay, so I have to guess." He moved them slightly so that he could enter Jim comfortably. When he was inside as far as he could go, he gripped Jim's thighs and started moving his hips. "Is this what you want, Jim? You want to be _driven_? You like knowing that even though I'm smaller and younger, that I can jump in the driver's seat and take control too?" His words were punctuated by the strong, steady rhythm of his body. "Damn, Jim, can you feel it? It's like passion and power, love and lust, so strong, I can feel it in the air around us. Can you feel it?" 

Jim whispered 'yes' over and over, lost in the feel of his lover pumping deep inside him. Hands clenching the arms of the lounge, trying not to picture his oiled up dick, ready to be stroked, gripping the chaise harder to keep from doing that, to keep the pleasure going. His mind whirled: Blair's lithe body taut with the power of possessing him, handling him and all the emotional, physical things he was only because he had his Guide in his life. And he was quivering with the knowledge that Blair had gotten in his head so easily, that he had no choice but to trust the young man with his mind, because somehow, Blair _knew_ him. Had his heart, was taking his body - what chance did his mind have? He had lost it over this man long ago. Passion and power, love and lust? How could he not feel it? To him, those things _were_ Blair Sandburg. 

"Jim... oh shit, I'm coming..." Blair's thrusts got harder, and he had to bite down on his lip so that he wouldn't let loose a scream out there, where anyone could hear, but he could do nothing to stop the long growl that escaped him as he sprayed Jim's insides with his seed. 

Blair's voice broke through the sexual mist in Jim's mind, and he cried out when he realized he was coming himself. He didn't even have time to let go of the chair, his dick took on a life of it's own, jumping and pulsing, shooting and spurting without being touched. 

Blair pulled out and rearranged them, relaxing their muscles, and laid out on top of his lover. Jim's semen felt cool on his skin as it squished between them. "You are so awesome, man." 

"No...you." 

"Well, us two awesome men really need a shower now." 

"Yeah, shower...now." 

Blair rose up slowly, trying to unstick them gently. "Uh, big guy, have you ever noticed that you have a problem stringing words together after you've been made love to?" 

Jim got up, regathering the clothes that Blair had pushed aside earlier, trying to collect himself as well, and mumbled under his breath. 

Blair headed inside to shower, laughing as he caught the words "motor mouth", and called out over his shoulder, "Speaking of motors, I think maybe it's time we started talking motorcycles. Now, _that's_ power up close and personal. Hey, I'll even..." 

Jim tuned out Blair's words as he locked up the sliding glass doors. His knees were shaking, still not totally recovered from this last tangle with his lover, and he did _not_ need to conjure up any motorcycle images... revving motors.... strong vibrations... tight jeans... and, oh damn... _leather_.... 'Sandburg is going to be the death of me,' he thought as he went to join him in the shower. Even so, he stopped in the bedroom and grabbed a certain pair of red bikinis and went to get wet. 

* * *

Sometime later, Jim had allowed himself to be persuaded to lay back out on the deck on the chaise lounge. They were naked (Blair's idea) under a lightweight throw (Jim's idea) with Blair in front leaning back into the circle of Jim's arms, enjoying being together. 

Jim registered the slowing pattern of Blair's breathing. "Don't you fall asleep on me, Sandburg. This was your idea. If we fall asleep and stay out here all night on this thing, there will be hell for you to pay." 

Blair shifted slightly, "I'm not sleeping, just relaxed. You feel so good. I'm just thinking." 

"Yeah? What's on your mind?" 

"Nothing. I've just had the best time. I wish we could stay longer." 

"We'll come back." 

"Yeah..." 

"Babe, is something wrong?" 

"Not really. It's just been so great being here with you. _You've_ been great. Ever since we got here, you've been so..." 

"Free," Jim finished. "Yeah, I know. I've felt it. I can't explain it. I guess I've just allowed myself to be _me_. Without worrying about whether that was going to be okay with anybody else. And nothing bad happened. To be seen for what you are or how you are, and to be liked and accepted for the same is liberating. It's like seeing what life could be like, _should_ be like." 

"Our life _will_ be like that. Maybe we won't just burst onto the scene at home, but I think everything will be okay. We're just taking one step at a time. Simon knows and he doesn't treat us any differently. I think you may be surprised about how many people care about you. And even if everybody else is not comfortable with it, I just want _you_ to be comfortable with it, _this_ comfortable." 

Jim held Blair tighter. "It might not be this comfort level exactly, but trust me, we've taken another step forward." 

Blair turned over and kissed his partner. "Thank you for bringing me here. It was perfect. You give me so much." 

"I don't think that anything I give you will ever be enough." He ran a hand through the length of Blair's curly hair as he sighed. "You gave me my life back. And more importantly, you gave my life... _life_. How can I ever repay that?" 

"Do you love me?" Blair's voice was a caress. 

"Very much." 

"Do you think you could love me for the rest of my life?" Blair had a slight smile on his face, but there was something in his eyes that was at odds with that. 

Jim sensed it, and spoke quietly, his tone serious. "I don't think I could _not_ love you for the rest of _my_ life." 

Blair kissed Jim again, grateful to the powers that be for bringing him and Jim together. "Then, consider us even." 

He got up, taking Jim's hand and led him inside to bed. They fell asleep in each other's arms, entwined and fitted together in that way that lovers have, with Jim thinking about love without end. 

* * *

First day back from vacation and already Simon was bellowing. Jim had barely stepped foot in the bullpen before he had been summoned. After politely asking about Key West, Simon had asked what time Blair was getting to the station, informing Jim that he wanted to see them both in his office as soon as Blair arrived. 

Jim had tried to question his captain, but was summarily dismissed. At lunchtime, he had tried appealing to Simon as a friend, but was told that he would have to wait. Jim was trying hard not to be paranoid, but obviously this wasn't about a case. That could only mean one thing. 

Jim's was on his feet the moment he registered the sound of his partner's heartbeat. He had Blair by the arm before he could make it all the way in the room. 

"Hey man, what's up?" A surprised Blair looked up at his lover. 

"Simon wants to see us," Jim hissed. 

"Why, what did I do?" Blair found himself whispering also. 

"I don't know, but I think it's about what _we've_ been doing." 

"You're joking?" 

"I don't have a good feeling about this, Chief." He stopped outside of Simon's door, looking his lover in the eye. "If there's a problem, this job can kiss my ass." 

"Jim..." 

Blair was cut off as Jim knocked on the door and propelled him into Simon's office without waiting for a response from inside. 

Jim jumped right in. "Okay, Captain, we're here. What is this all about?" 

Simon looked up from his paperwork, not acknowledging Jim's tone. "Jim, Sandburg, sit down." 

Blair dropped his bag and plopped into the nearest chair. 

"No thanks," Jim said. "I'd rather stand." 

Blair looked from Simon to Jim and then back again. He leaned forward in his seat, elbows on his knees and spoke softly. "Uh, Simon, is there a problem?" 

"No problem, Sandburg. But we do need to talk." 

"What about?" 

"This." Simon pushed a file forward on his desk. 

Blair picked it up and leafed through it. "It's just our insurance stuff. What, is there some problem with the changes?" 

"It hasn't finished processing yet," Simon answered. "Those are just copies. Why didn't you guys talk to me about this?" 

Jim spoke up, his voice tight. "What's to talk about? I'm sure people update their policies all the time." 

"Jim, there are some serious considerations here, and I would like to have been informed." 

"Do you need to be informed when _every_ couple makes changes to their personal information?" Jim's inference was clear. 

"Actually, I do. We work a dangerous job, and I like to be up on certain things in case something unfortunate happens. And _every_ couple aren't _partners_." 

The bottom dropped out of Jim's stomach. He had been hoping that things would never, ever go there. 

Blair piped up. "Are you trying to say that we can't work together?" 

"Sandburg, you are no longer an observer. You are a paid consultant. Technically, you should have stopped working solely with Jim six months ago. Personally, too, I might add." 

Jim stepped forward. "Now, wait a minute Simon." 

"No, you wait, Jim. This is not really about you and Sandburg. This is about his job - I would have talked to him alone, but I didn't want you barging in here later making me repeat myself. And if you are going to file documents where it can be inferred that you are more than just working partners, you have to expect to go by the book. From now on, Sandburg works the cases where we think he'll do the most good. I will make sure that he gets to accompany you as much as I think necessary. I recognize that you are in a unique situation, but I think you pretty much have a handle on that. This is not open for negotiation. Is that understood?" 

Jim ignored the warning and the tone. "Simon..." 

Simon stood up, fixing his detective with a hard glare. "Jim, step outside, I need to talk to the kid alone." 

Jim left, barely containing the urge to slam the office door, bristling as he heard Blair chuckle. 

"You know, Simon, that doesn't really do any good. He _can_ still hear us." 

Simon's eyes widened in surprise. "You don't think he'd _eavesdrop_?" 

Blair gave him a look that said 'Well, duh, of course he would.' 

Simon harumphed. "Ellison, if you're listening, don't think we won't have a little talk about _privacy_ in the near future!" He turned to Blair. "So, Sandburg, are you okay with all of this?" He held up a hand. "Before you answer, let me say this: I know that you originally signed on here to keep an eye on Jim, but I want it understood that I feel that you have made your own contributions to this department. If I didn't think you could continue to do so, I would never have recommended consultant status. Now, do you think you'll want to continue doing that job, knowing that you won't be working only with Jim?" 

"Wow, Simon. " Blair sounded stunned. "Do you really mean all of that?" 

"I wouldn't have said it, Sandburg, if I didn't." 

"I don't have a problem with the job, Simon." He smiled. " _Captain._ I'll be glad to help out in any way I can. But, Jim..." 

"You let me handle Detective Ellison. Send him in on your way out." 

Blair turned to leave, then turned back. "Simon... I never thanked you for your personal support and friendship concerning the relationship thing. It means a lot. I owe you one for the great advice that you gave Jim. Thanks for being there for him. You pick the date and I'll fix all the artery-clogging, cholesterol-raising, fatty foods you want." 

"I'll hold you to that. Now send in Jim." 

Jim frowned at Blair on the way inside, and Blair didn't think he would be smiling when Simon was through, either. Yeah, Simon would handle _Detective_ Ellison, but Blair would be left to deal with the rest of him. 

Blair decided to postpone confrontation and go do some work in the library, preferring to talk to Jim in the privacy of their home where at least they could yell freely. He left a note and got out while the getting was good. It wasn't a total cop out, he really did need to go to the library. He had decided to finally finish up his dissertation. His goal was to get his doctorate by the end of the next school year. He just needed to whip it into shape, and take the final steps. 

When he finally got home, Jim was sitting on the couch. Jim glanced at him when he walked through the door, then slid his eyes back to the TV. He didn't move at all when Blair sat down next to him and kissed him lightly along his jawline. 

"Jim, this is _so_ not fair. Don't be mad at _me_." 

"I'm not mad." 

"Liar. Look, what's the problem? Simon said I'll still be helping you from time to time." He touched Jim's arm. "And after hours, I'm all yours." 

"Sandburg, things will be different, now." 

"Jim, in case you hadn't noticed, things are already different." 

"Yeah, but for some reason, I never really _believed_ that we wouldn't always be partners." 

"I'm your partner where it counts. Give in here, Jim. This is my job now. Would you rather I just quit?" 

When Jim didn't answer, Blair jumped up and started pacing the floor. "You would actually have me quit, rather than work with other people." Blair delivered his statement in a calm tone that belied his agitated state. 

Silence settled between them for a long moment, before Jim answered. "It's not that. I just worry about you. I'm not comfortable knowing you're out there unprotected." 

"Jim, these people are cops, too. And I hate to tell you this, but..." 

"Yeah, don't say it. Being with me hasn't exactly kept you from being shot at, or kidnapped, blah, blah, blah. Believe me, that does _not_ make me feel better." 

"Jim, listen. I understand that you worry, I understand that you'd prefer that I was your partner, but I need _you_ to understand something. I love teaching. I love the whole academic life. It satisfies my thirst for knowledge and the joy I get from passing it on. But working at the station - that satisfies something else in me. I do _not_ like getting shot at or kidnapped, or anything like that, and contrary to popular police legend, I do _not_ like paperwork, but I get such a rush from being part of it. Knowing that by putting myself on the line, I can help somebody, right some wrong, gives me a feeling that nothing else in my life can. Simon thinks I can do a good job, _I_ think I can do a good job. You don't need me by your side every second anymore, and you need to trust me to be able to handle myself." He took a deep breath, and gave his lover a quick glance. "I need you to be supportive of this, and not be all crazed. When you let your emotions get the best of you, you tend to be susceptible to zones. And now I won't be around every minute to bring your ass back. Okay?" 

"Okay." 

"Okay? That's it?" 

"Yep. I think you'll do a great job. But I won't lie and say that I'm totally happy about it." 

"Well... since you're in such an agreeable mood..." 

"What now?" 

"I've been thinking. Simon pushed this whole thing as part of a basic 'cover your ass' plan, because of the paperwork we filed. And I realized that by doing that we essentially came out at the station." 

"We did _not_ come out at the station," Jim said, cutting Blair off. "Did getting joint bank accounts make us _out_ at the bank?" 

"Let me finish - when the paperwork goes through all channels, don't think it won't get out. Somebody from Records will tell somebody from Vice, who'll tell ... 

"I get the point, Chief." 

"Anyway, before gossip makes it's rounds, I want to tell our friends." 

"Blair..." 

"Jim, look, I don't know how everyone will react, but I want the chance to see them face to face and to at least let them know that I love you, and I'm not just some deviant sex toy." 

Jim couldn't keep the corners of his mouth from twitching. "Sex toy, huh?" 

"Jim..." 

"Sorry. I don't know, Chief. I don't think it's necessary. But, if you feel strongly about it, then do what you want to do. Who're you gonna drop the bomb on?" 

"Joel," Blair answered. "And maybe Megan, then there's Brown..." 

"Why not take out an ad in the Police Gazette?" 

"You're not okay with this, are you?" 

"I guess I am. There's just been a lot to deal with for our first day back." 

"So, you're not freaking out over this?" 

"Chief, I'm not hiding here, okay? Really, believe me." Jim pulled Blair closer. 

"Okay. Uh...Jim?" 

"Don't tell me there's more." 

"I'm just curious about something." 

"What's that?" 

"Would you really have quit your job...over me?" 

Jim spoke quietly, but firmly. "If someone has a problem with us, then I have a problem with them. And before you start with your protests, keep in mind that being a cop is dangerous enough, without having to trust your life to people that might not watch your back." 

"But, what would you _do_?" 

"Well, I've always had ideas, though lately they've changed a little. Let's face it, I was bound to have to give it up eventually, anyway." 

"Well, what are the ideas?" 

"I always wanted to do something with kids. Something for teens, pre-teens with troubles. Now, I guess, I've been thinking a lot about gay teens. I remember what it was like trying to deal with my senses, in terms of my father and all. I don't even want to think about the two of us dealing with me and an attraction for the wide receiver on the football team." 

"You had a crush on a wide receiver?" 

"That was just an example, Sandburg." 

"Sure, it was." He cried out when Jim pinched him. "Okay, now about the teen thing, I think it's great. You could go back to school...hey, maybe law school. You know, there's all kinds of legal issues that could be addressed as well. I know a guy that you should talk to, he's... 

Jim cut Blair off in the easiest way. Giving him something else to do with his mouth. When he broke off the kiss, he said, "Can we talk about this later?" 

"Okay, but one more thing. Since you brought it up." 

"How did I end up with a man that talks so much?," Jim wondered out loud. 

"Lucky, I guess," Blair answered. "Now, back to your father." 

"No. I am not going to talk about this." He looked at Blair who had an expression on his face that made Jim uneasy. "Okay, I'm not going to talk about this right _now_." 

"Eventually, you're going to have to decide how you're going to handle him and Stephen." 

Jim wisely refused to respond to that, knowing that his comment would spark another bout of talking. And he needed a little less talking, and a lot more action. It had been a hell of a day. 

Jim reached out, feeling for Blair's nipple ring through his clothes. "Later. Right now, can we get back to the sex toy thing?" 

Blair shook his head and said, "Jim, you are bad." 

Jim rolled on top of him and showed him how good bad can be. 

* * *

The rest of the summer went fairly quickly. Blair was pleased at the amount of work he got done on his dissertation, and how easily chapter after chapter came together. He fell into his new role at the station almost as easily. Most of the cops he worked with were already used to his presence, and if they all didn't welcome his assistance with open arms, at least they could never find fault with his work. He got his fair share of acknowledgment from his new partners. Noting that it was a lot more than what he got when he first started working with Jim, he felt a certain amount of pride at proving himself on Jim's turf without the detective holding his hand. 

As far as Blair's personal relationship with Jim, when word first got around, things had been a little weird. Blair had gone to Joel first. He found that he himself was more uncomfortable than Joel was about the whole conversation. It seemed fine to say that he was in a relationship with a man, but he felt funny about letting Jim's colleagues know that it was Jim. Joel just shrugged and told him it was his life, just try to be happy. He had also said to let him know if anybody gave him any trouble, including Jim. Blair kept that to himself. 

Megan actually came up to _him_ to talk about it, joking about what he was letting himself in for, and adding a serious comment about taking it easy on Jim. She felt Jim probably had issues when it came to emotions. 'If he makes you happy, don't give up on him,' she said. Blair kept that to himself, also. 

He decided against any more open declarations, hoping that everyone could just accept and let it go. And while it seemed okay, it got very quiet for a few weeks, whenever Jim and Blair showed up together. Jim noticed it first. The absence of the familiar background hum of conversation was very loud to him. He didn't mention it to Blair, hoping that his lover wouldn't catch on. Whenever either one was by himself, nobody really acted any differently. But as soon as they walked in a room together, people seemed to be thrown for a loop. Jim was eavesdropping overtime, trying to evaluate the situation. When Blair finally noticed, Jim was able to inform him that their colleagues were being overly cautious. They didn't seem to be bothered by the relationship exactly, but were suddenly sensitive to it. They were unsure how to act, not wanting to offend or say the wrong thing, so they said nothing when faced with it. Jim told Blair to not worry and let them deal with it in their own time, so they did. After a while, one by one, they relaxed and things were pretty much back to normal. 

Except for the people who no longer spoke to them. Some of the cops they passed everyday who used to say hi, and who now just looked away \- some of the guys from the gym who used to acknowledge Jim with a nod, and who now would leave the room. And then there were the 'evil eye' makers, like the secretary who grabbed her little boy who was visiting when Blair stopped by to ask a question. There were a few anonymous notes, which they reported to Simon, just for the record; but there were no physical attacks, no incidents in the field. Blair thought it was as good as could be expected. As long as Blair was okay, Jim was okay, but he did make a point of investigating their legal options, and took some tentative steps at checking out employment opportunities outside of the department. 

One thing that struck Jim about their new working relationship, was that Blair wasn't drawn into dangerous situations like when he worked solely with Jim. He didn't point it out, quite sure that his observation that Blair seemed to be able to follow orders perfectly well from someone else, would be countered with something for which he wouldn't have a comeback. Better to leave well enough alone. 

By the time Thanksgiving came around, they were firmly established in a different routine with its different parameters. So far, so good. 

* * *

It was planned that Thanksgiving dinner would be held at the loft. Blair wanted to invite Simon, Darryl, Naomi, and Stephen. There was no chance that Jim's father would show up. 

Blair decided that they should tell Darryl about the change between him and Jim before he was faced with it over a Thanksgiving meal, and so he discussed with Simon how he wanted to handle it. Darryl handled it pretty well. He liked Jim, he liked Blair, but he wasn't quite sure he liked 'Jim and Blair'. When Blair asked him why, he said he thought that Jim was too old for Blair. He added, 'It's like you going out with my dad.' Just one more thing Blair decided to keep to himself, especially since he did laugh at the comment. Darryl asked a lot of questions about being gay, which Blair answered as honestly as he could, making sure to find out whether Darryl was questioning his own sexuality. In answer, Darryl said no, but told Blair about the problems someone on his basketball team was having. Blair filed that information away to share with Jim, to keep the teen support project in his mind. 

Thanksgiving Day brought Naomi to town with Giorgio in tow, stopping by to have dinner with her son before setting off for 3 months in Key West. Naomi and Giorgio had run into each other in an airport a while back, and Naomi had taken him out for dinner as a thank you for loaning Jim and Blair his beachhouse, and one thing led to another. At least this month. Blair was willing to bet after the three months were up, things would change again. 

Stephen came also. Jim had told him about his relationship with Blair and had been satisfied with his reaction. Actually, Stephen hadn't believed it at all when Jim first told him. Jim was in the midst of insisting that it was true, when Blair breezed through the door saying 'Hey babe, somebody parked...', cutting himself off when he saw that Jim wasn't alone. Jim burst into laughter at the expression on both of their faces, and the tension broke and Stephen greeted the man in his brother's life. 

Jim's father was another matter. It had taken Stephen and Blair to make Jim talk to the man at all. William Ellison just refused to acknowledge anything. No ranting condemnations, no suggestions that he could get Jim the best counseling that money could buy, of course no welcoming of Blair with open arms. Jim shrugged it off. He had stopped worrying about his father's reactions. He had never really been accepted before, why would this be any different? Especially this. Couldn't accept his senses, couldn't accept any of his life choices so far, couldn't accept his son. What else was new? 

They didn't let the fact that Jim's father wasn't present, spoil the mood. In fact everyone figured the atmosphere of the dinner was all the more festive thanks to William Ellison's absence. Blair just wished things could have been different. 

* * *

They decided to spend Christmas by themselves just like last year. Jim knew that Blair would be nostalgic about the Christmas past. It _was_ an anniversary for them after all. Unfortunately, the criminals weren't as generous this time around. Work was _busy_. After Blair gave his last exam, he had worked seemingly non-stop. And since they weren't on the same cases, it looked as if communication between them consisted mostly of waving as they passed each other coming and going in the loft and at the station. Even the Christmas party turned out to be the party that never was, with people sneaking into the breakroom at odd moments to nibble off of the food, or drink a cup of egg nog before they finally stumbled home for a few hours sleep. 

Blair made sure that they took time to get a tree, even though it was up for two days before they found time to decorate it. And of course, Blair wanted to sleep down by it from the first night they had it, so Jim fixed up the most comfortable place to sleep he could on the floor for them. His back thanked him, because the rest of him just didn't want to roll over and not be next to his lover. Blair cooked up food like always to go down to the station, and since both he and Jim had station duty Christmas day, that's where they would be eating. 

When they finally got home Christmas night, they got ready for bed and opened their presents to each other. Blair laughed hysterically when he opened his box and revealed: 10 pairs of gloves and 6 hats with matching scarves. And he absolutely loved the beautiful, thick sweater knit in a faded denim blue color that Jim also gave him. Jim opened one of his boxes, and was struck by the heady smell of a soft, supple black leather vest. The zipper pull was a Harley Davidson emblem. He tried in vain to control his blush as he thanked his partner. He was amazed when he opened the next box with his name on it and saw what else Blair had given him. All sorts of books and literature and pamphlets. Obviously the result of many hours of work. Literature from the university about various programs that he thought Jim might be interested in. Stuff on gay and lesbian teens, and the gay community in general. Books and articles on the issues facing the gay/lesbian community. Information on social programs and lists of people to contact in a wide range of fields. 

"No matter what you decide to do," Blair said, "I'm behind you." 

Jim pulled Blair down into their nest of covers and kissed him. Long and hard. They were still kissing moments later when they heard a knock on the door. Jim got up, throwing on his sweatpants laying nearby. He opened the door as far as the chain would allow, peeking through the crack. 

"What are you doing here?" Blair heard him ask. 

The voice of William Ellison answered, "Can I come in for a minute?" 

"Just a sec." Jim closed the door, turning to his lover who was already on his feet, scrambling for his robe. He turned on the lights. "It's my father." 

"Yeah, I gathered that," Blair said belting his robe. He decided that naked under a robe was not how he wanted to face Jim's father, so he headed up the steps for some more clothes. "Go ahead, let him in." 

William Ellison walked through the door and looked around. He faltered when he noticed the rumpled grouping of covers on the floor. He turned his attention to his son. 

"I wanted to give you this." Ellison held out an envelope. 

"What is it?," Jim questioned, without taking it. 

"It's a gift for you and...Blair." 

Jim took pride in the fact that he showed no reaction to his father saying his lover's name. 

"Look, son. I know that there is a lot of distance between us. I can't pretend that I know what to do about it, but I would like to try." 

Jim looked down at the hand still extending the envelope. Then he looked straight into his father's eyes. "I am a cop with hypersensitive senses, who has no interest in the world of country club golf games and corporate maneuverings. And I also happen to be living with a man that I'm in love with, and we are happy. Can you honestly say you are ready to deal with that, can you even deal with _any_ of that?" 

Ellison held his son's gaze. "Give me a chance." He laid the envelope down on the table by the door as he turned to leave. "Sorry to have disturbed you at this hour. Merry Christmas to you both." 

Jim didn't say a word as he watched his father go. 

Blair came up beside him. "Are you okay?" 

"Yeah. You didn't have to go upstairs, this is your home, too. He needs to know that." 

"I didn't want to have a conversation with him in my robe, and when I got upstairs, I didn't want to get dressed. Besides, that was a father-son thing, not a father-son-son's lover thing." He watched Jim who hadn't moved and was staring at the envelope like he thought it was a mail bomb ready to explode. "Aren't you going to open it?" 

"No." Jim strode across the room, sitting heavily on the couch. "I don't want it." 

"How do you know if you don't open it." 

"I don't need to open it. I don't want anything from him." 

"Fine, I'll open it. He said it was for the both of us." 

Jim watched as Blair opened it and extracted a letter...and what looked like a check. 

"Whoa." Blair was stunned. "I mean, whoa!" 

He walked over to sit next to Jim so that he could share the contents. Jim took the pieces of paper that Blair handed him. It _was_ a check...a large check. 

"Money. That figures." Jim didn't try to hide his disgust. 

"Read the letter, man." 

Jim turned his attention to the other piece of paper in his hand. Jim read it out loud. "To my son: I had a visitor yesterday, who very effectively laid out a few key points to me. So as a result, I feel compelled to make some sort of gesture on behalf of repairing my relationship with you. I am ashamed to say that I don't know even know my own son well enough to buy him a gift that he would appreciate. So, I hope you won't be offended by the offer of money. The check is for you and Blair to enjoy as you wish." It was signed, 'Dad'. 

"Whoa," Blair said again. 

"I'm giving it back." 

"Jim, you're kidding." 

"I don't want his money." 

"Okay, but think what we could do with it." He stopped at the look on Jim's face, and tried a different approach. "Look, give back your half, but I want to keep mine." 

"Since when do you care about money?" 

Blair looked at Jim like he was crazy. "Jim, everyone cares about money. I may not care about being rich, but I do care about money. It happens to be a fact that I _need_ money." 

"I'm not okay with this, Blair. Look, I'll call him and thank him, but only because he made an effort and included you in it, but I can't keep his money." 

Blair stood up and dropped his robe, before going to turn off the lights and lock the door. He turned back to see Jim watching him, more intent on seeing that the door was locked properly than enjoying the view of his lover's body, Blair was sure. He went back and took Jim's hand and led him to the rumpled covers. "Who do you think talked to him?" 

"It had to be Stephen, and I'm going to kill him." 

Blair drew Jim's head down to his chest, offering both the tension-relieving sound of his heartbeat and the comfort of his touch. 

Almost automatically, Jim let go and gave in, falling asleep under the twinkling lights of the Christmas tree. 

* * *

When the phone rang the next morning, Blair fumbled for it sleepily. "'Lo." 

"Well, did it work?" 

"Naomi? Where are you?" 

"Blair, you know I'm in Florida. Did it work?" 

"I don't know what time it is there, but it's real early here. Help me out." 

"You know, I always thought that you'd outgrow that." 

"Sorry." 

"Don't be. I still love you. Now, did you get an unexpected visitor?" 

Blair was instantly as awake as he could get, easing himself away from Jim and the heat under the covers, gathering up his robe, and taking the phone into the kitchen. "Please, tell me you didn't...that it wasn't you." 

"Of course it was me." 

"Oh, shit. Jim is gonna kill me, while you're laying out on a sunny beach, your son is going to be taking his last breath. Why did you do that?" 

"It needed to be done." 

" _How_ did you do it?" 

"Well I've always said anything can be accomplished with meditation and a little sage." 

"That is _so_ not funny. And what are you doing coming to Cascade without coming to see me?" 

"Blair, Christmas is a special time for you and Jim. I didn't want to disturb the vibe." 

"Oh, like sending William Ellison over here with money didn't do _that_." 

"Money? My stars, tell me he did _not_ come over there with _money_." 

"Oh yes, he did." 

"That old fool. Wasted a perfectly good approach by getting it only half right." 

"I'm surprised he did anything. That was quite an accomplishment." 

"Blair, your mother is extraordinary." 

Blair laughed softly. "Yes, she is. Like mother, like son. 

"Too much like me for your own good, but that's a conversation for another lifetime. Did you have a good holiday?" 

"Busy, but yeah, it was good." 

"And Jim?" 

"He's good, too." 

"You're shameless," Naomi laughed. "Well, I've gotta run. Don't let Jim mess this up. It's my gift to the two of you, so you better enjoy it." 

"Oh great, it's just what we always wanted." 

"Blair, say goodbye." 

"Bye Mom, love you." 

"Love you too." 

Blair hung up and went back out into the living room, more than ready to get back under some blankets. He jumped when he noticed that his lover was awake, blue eyes set in a piercing gaze. When Blair was near enough, Jim reached and pulled him off his feet, and surrounded him with his body heat. 

Blair felt a shudder run through him when Jim whispered in his ear. 

"Okay, Sandburg. Tell it to me real slow...from the beginning." 

Concluded in part [two](joinedby1.html).


	2. Chapter 2

Due to the length of this story, it has been split into two parts.

## Joined by Destiny

by JC

Author's webpage: <http://www.skeeter63.org/jayci/>

Continued from part one. 

* * *

Joined by Destiny by J.C. - part two 

Because they had the day off, Jim and Blair took their time getting up to face the day. After the busy weeks before, and the craziness of last night and this morning, Jim was in no hurry. He just lay there next to Blair, thinking. 

Finally, he poked Blair in the side. "Come on, Chief. Get up." 

Blair blindly reached out and found Jim's hand. He pulled it to his groin, saying sleepily, "Already up." 

Jim removed his hand, placing it on Blair's naked hip. "I'm serious. Get up. I'm going to see my father, and I'm sure you'll want to come along." 

"What are you going to do, Jim?" 

"Just talk." 

"Jim..." 

"Seriously, I'm just going to talk. Now, are you coming or not?" 

"Well, I was trying to work up to that, but you weren't cooperating." 

"Sandburg..." Jim got up and headed to the bathroom. 

"Okay. Okay." Blair struggled to sit up, and called out to his lover. "But tonight your ass is mine!" 

* * *

They drove to the Ellison home in silence. Jim was thinking, and Blair was sulking because Jim wouldn't tell him what he was thinking. 

Jim's father didn't seem at all surprised to find his son on his doorstep. 

"Jimmy." Then he looked over to the other man standing there. "Blair." 

"How you doing, Mr. Ellison." Blair spoke when his partner remained silent. 

"Come in from the cold." 

Again, Blair answered. "Cool, thanks." 

Once inside, Jim finally found his tongue. "I'll get straight to the point. I don't want your money, and I don't know if we can build any kind of relationship. You are my father, but I'm a grown man now. There was a time in my life when I wanted things to be better between us because I needed it. Well, I don't need it now, but I will admit that I would still like it. I don't need your approval for my life and my choices, but if things are going to be able to work, I have to have your acceptance. Somewhere there must be some middle ground where we can meet, and start again" 

"Fine." 

"Fine. Now, about the money..." 

"I'm sorry about that. I didn't know what else to do. And it was Christmas. You can return it." 

"Oh, I'm not going to return it. I'm going to donate it to a Gay/Lesbian teen support program in your name." 

"What?!" Both Blair and William exclaimed at the same time. 

"Look at it as your first step in accepting who I am." Jim spoke to his father, not looking at Blair. 

William watched his son for a long moment. "Fine." 

"Fine. I appreciate the gesture." 

"You're my son, and whether you believe it or not, that does matter to me." 

"We'll see," Jim answered, frowning when Blair poked him in the side. 

"Thank you, Mr. Ellison. We'll have to get together soon. I could make salmon..." 

Jim pulled on Blair's arm. "We have to get going. This is our first day off in a while, and we have some other things to do." 

"Okay, son. We'll get together another time." 

Jim practically dragged Blair to the truck. "You know, Chief, that's _my_ father. Can you let me set up the meetings?" 

"I was just being polite." 

"Right. Another minute and you would have been saying 'see you tonight at 7:30.'" 

"Well, if you had let me in on everything, I wouldn't have been so totally off guard." 

"Sorry. I just wanted to work things out in my own head. To come up with something I was comfortable with. You still have a little trouble letting me do that. The Sandburg theory monster still rears its head." 

"Okay, I get it. But half of that money was mine." 

"Fine, I owe you. We'll work out a payment plan." 

"I was just kidding. But it would have been nice to discuss it a little." 

"Chief...? 

"Yeah?" 

"Tell Naomi...thanks." 

* * *

"What are you fixing for Simon's party?" Jim said, as he put away the last of the food. 

Blair paused, his hands immersed in soapy water. "What party?" He rinsed the last pot. 

"New Year's Eve. What are we taking?" 

Blair turned from the sink, grabbing a towel to wipe his wet hands. Leaning back against the counter, he eyed his partner. "I didn't think we were going." 

"Why, don't you want to go?" 

"Maybe it's not a good idea." 

Jim frowned. "Why not?" 

Blair shrugged. "It's New Year's Eve. I want to be able to celebrate." He turned away, hanging up the damp towel. "Maybe we should just stay in like last year. It can be sort of a tradition." He moved to go past Jim to get into the refrigerator. 

Jim snagged him and held him by the arms. "Okay, give. Why don't you want to go?" 

Blair twisted out of Jim's grasp, and opened the fridge, taking the last of the eggnog. Grabbing a glass, he poured the eggnog, and while his back was to Jim, he spoke. "I know that we've been hanging out with the guys together, but this is such a _couples_ thing." 

"It's not _all_ couples, and besides we _are_ a couple." 

"I know, but they've never really seen us as a couple. I think to them we're still like just two of the guys. They've never had to come face to face with the changed dynamic." 

Jim frowned more. He wasn't getting this. "It's not like we're going to strip naked and demonstrate the Gay Kama Sutra at the stroke of midnight. As interesting as that sounds, I think that we can manage to control ourselves until we get back home." 

Blair finally looked up at Jim. "I just don't want anyone getting all freaked out at midnight when I kiss you. I want to be able to kiss you." 

Jim pulled Blair into his arms. "Look. We'll go and eat, drink, mingle, maybe dance a little..." 

Blair laughed softly. "I thought you didn't know how to dance." 

"Well," Jim said, playful grin on his face, "I have it on good authority that I can _move_." He pulled Blair tighter, moving his hips to an internal beat, coincidentally the same as the beat of Blair's heart. He could feel his lover laughing against him, and bent to kiss him softly. "And at midnight, _I'll_ kiss _you_ , and everybody else can just deal with it." He touched his lips to Blair's again - darting his tongue out to take it a step further. 

Blair broke the kiss to look into his lover's eyes. "One more thing, Jim." 

Jim groaned. "There's always 'one more thing' with you, Sandburg. They have to be the three most hated words to escape your lips." 

"Oh, I don't know. How about: 'Your truck's totaled' or 'Jags lost tonight' or 'hot water's gone' or..." He paused, devilish grin in place. "...'no sex tonight.'" 

"Okay, how about 'no more patience'?" 

"Okay, fine, so the man I'm in love with has no sense of humor. Cool. I can deal with being the funny one in this relationship." He pulled off his sweater and tossed it to Jim. "I was just wondering..." The flannel shirt came next. It landed on top of Jim's head. "...what are _you_ fixing for Simon's party?" 

Jim snatched the shirt from off of his head, pulling his mind away from that familiar scent. " _Me_? He was speaking to an empty room. He heard Blair's feet hit the stairs two at a time. Jim took off in pursuit, ready to pounce. "Sandburg, I am _not_ cooking." 

Blair cried out in surprise as Jim hit the bed beside him. 

"Okay, okay. But, I'm not fixing anything either. We'll just take beer." 

Jim idly touched Blair's lips with his finger. "Tired?" 

"A little." 

Jim leaned over for more kisses, familiar feelings of arousal beginning to stir. 

All of a sudden he felt himself being pushed back. Hard. He fell back on the bed with an audible sound as his breath escaped him. 

"What the hell?" Jim raised his head to peer at his partner. 

"Oh shit, Jim. I forgot... we forgot... what with your father popping up out of the blue, it threw the night off. Damn..." 

"Slow down, babe. What is it?" 

Blair got up and ran down the stairs. Jim looked at the vacated space with a puzzled expression on his face. He could hear Blair rummaging around in his old room as he yelled up in Jim's direction. 

"What was yesterday?" 

"Christmas, Chief." 

Blair was coming back up the stairs. "And..." 

Jim bolted upright on the bed. "Oh shit. Blair, I'm sorry." 

Blair reappeared in the bedroom, hands behind his back. 

"Our anniversary," they both said together. 

Their anniversary. Christmas day. One year ago. The day that had started with them taking the first steps towards being together as a couple. A day that saw them make love for the first time. A day that ended with them both acknowledging that what they had encompassed more than what either of them had ever had before. 

"Happy Anniversary, Jim." Blair pulled his hands from behind his back and held out a package. 

"Wait." Jim got up and retrieved something from the top shelf of the bedroom closet. He held out a wrapped box to Blair. "Happy Anniversary, Chief." 

They got on the bed and each opened their gifts. Jim unwrapped his and found a small painting. A portrait really. He recognized the scenery instantly. Key West. The painting showed the section of beach outside where they had stayed, and the house visible in the background. In the forefront, Jim was sitting on the sand, holding his lover in front of him as they looked out over the water as the sun was just starting to set. Blair's hair showed slight movement, as if a gentle breeze had just ruffled it. They were both bare-chested. Jim was wearing thin, white cotton pants rolled up at the ankles, and his lover had on loose white shorts. Jim touched a finger to the surface of the painting, unconsciously opening his touch so that he could feel Blair's skin, briefly surprised at finding only the texture of paint under his fingertips. 

"Wow, how'd you do this?" 

"A friend of mine in the Art Department, a whole bunch of photos from the trip, and quite a few hours spent helping her catalog stuff for an upcoming exhibit at the museum. It turned out even better than I expected." 

"It's great. It's really great. Just looking at it, I'm there again. Thanks." 

He kissed Blair on the cheek, and then watched him open his present. 

Blair took the top off of his unwrapped box and held up the loudest, wildest shirt he had ever seen. Something was sticking out of the breast pocket. Blair removed it and read, 'Wear me..." On the inside, it said, '...in Hawaii." 

Blair dropped the note and shirt like it was red-hot. He regarded his lover with a stunned expression on his face. "Are you serious? You want to take me to Hawaii?" 

"Don't you want to go?" 

"Sure, but..." 

"Blair..." 

Blair could hear the warning tone in Jim's voice. "Fine. Thanks, Jim, you're the best. But..." 

"Blair..." 

Blair let it go. "Okay. I'm shutting up. But you'll be sorry when I actually wear this thing." He held up the shirt. 

"Well, I wasn't sure you would appreciate my original vision." 

"Which was?" 

Jim cleared his throat. "Uh, you in a little wrap-around native thing." 

Blair laughed. "Jim...Jim...Jim... Haven't we settled this yet? I _love_ being the object of your fantasies. When we get there, I will _definitely_ work on that one. So when do we leave?" 

"We just have to coordinate on the time. I was thinking June, like we did this year." 

"Cool. Now, come on back downstairs. Don't think you can trick me into getting into this bed with you. I still have a couple more days before we take the tree down." He took Jim's hand and pulled him to his feet. 

"Fine, we should get some rest. Back to work tomorrow." 

As they descended the stairs, Blair said, "Or better yet - let's see if we can tap into the Ellison fantasy file some more. Why don't you sit on my lap and show 'Santa' what a good boy you can be." 

Blair's laughter filled the loft as Jim stumbled on the last stair. He was still laughing when Jim scooped him up from behind, and lowered him to the floor. Blair took that as a hint to show Jim what a good boy _he_ could be. 

* * *

"Come on, come on, come on!" Blair blasted his horn. It was snowing, but only a little, and for some reason people were driving like there were 2 feet of snow on the ground. "What is going on, here? Damn!" 

He was late, on a day when he had tried so hard to keep on schedule. Of course, everything went the opposite and to top it all off, the heater in his car had suddenly decided to take the day off. 

And things had been going so well. New Year's Eve had been perfect. Amazingly, Jim _had_ danced with him. Not as much as Blair wanted (he could dance non-stop if in the mood), but he did it. People had called out some teasing remarks, but not because he was dancing with Blair, just at the fact that he was dancing at all. Simon barely escaped injuring an important part of his anatomy when his mouth dropped open so wide that his lit cigar fell into his lap. In Simon's memory, there had been only one other time that Jim had danced and that was at his wedding when he married Carolyn. 

And at midnight, true to his word, Jim had taken his lover in his arms and kissed him. And if anybody cared, they didn't say it out loud. Jim could only hear the sounds of others kissing, and relaxed, embracing the feeling of being with his lover amongst friends. 

Case loads had lightened somewhat, and when school started back, Simon had assigned Jim and Blair to the same case. It had been a complicated case involving the abduction of a teenage girl who had been approached over the Internet, and they were just successfully wrapping it up. Blair had enjoyed working with Jim again, and was pleased that they fell so easily into their old working compatibility. They finally had a weekend off, and dinner reservations tonight, and damn, he was late. 

The ringing of his cell phone interrupted his thoughts. He fumbled for it. 

"Yeah, yeah, I know." 

His lover's familiar rich voice filled his ear. "And what is it that you know?" 

"I'm late." 

"Are you all right?" 

"Yeah, I just got behind. And now traffic's been horrendous and..." 

"Blair?" 

"Huh?" 

"Where are you?" 

"I'm just turning onto Prospect now." 

"Fine, relax. See you in a few. Happy Valentine's Day." 

Blair smiled. "Happy Valentine's Day. Damn, I love you." He swung into his space. "On my way up. Bye." 

He gathered up all of the miscellaneous paraphernalia that constituted 'Blair Sandburg's essential stuff', and hurried up to the loft. He burst through the door and stopped short at the sight of Jim sitting on the couch wearing sweatclothes. 

"Jim, what's wrong. How come you're not dressed? I'm sorry I'm late. I'll be ready in a sec." 

Jim looked over, evil mutant butterflies fluttering in his stomach. "I wanted to talk to you." 

"What's going on?" 

Jim didn't even notice that as Blair made his way across the room, he was absentmindedly dropping his stuff. Coat, bag, gloves and scarf making a trail behind him. "Nothing really. I was going to wait until after dinner, I had a whole thing prepared, but I don't think I would have made it through the meal, so I thought maybe we could talk now." 

Blair sat next to Jim on the couch, placing his laptop on the coffee table. "Jim, you're scaring the shit out of me." 

"I want us to get married." 

Blair couldn't have been more unprepared. "What do you mean 'married'?" 

'Come on, Sandburg. Married, wedding, you know a ceremony vowing eternal love and a lifelong commitment." He took a deep breath. "I was hoping that you would marry me." 

Blair popped up and the pacing began. 

"So, you're serious?" He cocked a look at Jim. "Yeah, you wouldn't joke about something like this. You want us to have a ceremony." 

"Blair, I love you. I know that you love me. We've come a long way together. I know it's probably not your thing, and I'll let it go if you really have strong feelings against it, but ever since Key West when you asked me if I could love you for the rest of your life - I've been thinking about it. I was going to ask you at Christmas, but our lives were so hectic, I put it off. And I put it off New Year's too. I was telling myself I was waiting for the right time, but I think I was just nervous. So I decided now or never. And I wouldn't have been able to eat a thing tonight with that hanging over my head." He paused as he watched his partner walk a groove in the floor. "Blair, can you at least stand still? Please?" 

Blair stopped for a second, and then resumed his pacing. He spoke, his gestures wide and expressive, his tone questioning. "You want us to get married, and you've been thinking about it for, what, _eight months_? And you've never said anything. Married to me. That's what you're saying, right?" 

"Blair, just say 'no' and put me out of my misery, so we can go to dinner." 

"No, Jim. I mean, yes... I mean... I want to do it. I love the idea of us having our own ritualized celebration of the fact that we are committed to each other. I love the fact that _you_ want to do it. I'm just sort of blown away. You've had this on your mind since last June and I didn't have a clue. Are you sure you really want it? It's not like we have to bow to convention, and we don't have anything to prove." 

"I really want to do it. I think that maybe I _do_ need it, this 'conventional' display. Not for anyone else, but for me. My viewpoint is not as alternative as yours." 

"So, you are going to stand up in front of people... Were there going to be other people or just you and me and the Supreme Beings?" 

Jim smiled. "I thought there might be people, a few anyway. Will you come over here, please." 

Blair halted his pacing, stared at Jim, then came to sit next to the man he loved. 

"Jim, do you really think that you can do it?" 

"I've been married before, Sandburg." 

"No offense, Jim, but that doesn't even begin to compare to this. Your wedding with Carolyn was a testament to mainstream mores. This time you'll be standing up and declaring your love for another man." 

"True, and I'm not ashamed of it." 

"Jim, don't take this the wrong way, but you still blush when I say the word 'motorcycle'." 

Jim's mouth shut closing off his protests, the heat and color rising in his face giving credence to Blair's statement. Blair's laughter didn't help. 

"That's not the point. Fine...we don't have to do it. It was just an idea." 

"Jim, I was just teasing. I said I wanted to do it. But, I just want you to know that I love you whether we do it or not." 

"I know." 

"Jim, ask me." 

"What?" 

"Well, you never really asked me." 

"Blair..." 

"Jim...ask me." 

Blue eyes met blue eyes, and Jim took a deep breath. "Blair Sandburg, will you marry me?" 

"Yes, I will." 

Jim was unprepared for the mix of happiness/relief/excitement/nervousness that passed through him, but then Blair was in his arms and they were kissing and it all felt right. 

Blair pulled back, looking into his lover's eyes again. "Happy?" 

Jim nodded, pulling Blair back into a tight hug. He felt Blair's breath teasing at his ear. 

"Jim?" 

Blair whispering his name tickled and teased. "Hmmm?" 

Then Blair whispered again. "...motorcycle..." And ran laughing for the stairs. 

Though he was caught off guard, Jim caught up to Blair before he made it to the second stair, and pinned him down. "I think I have told you on more than one occasion, Sandburg, that teasing me has consequences. Now, I'm afraid that I'm going to have to make you pay." Blair willingly paid the price. 

* * *

Later, after eating a light dinner that they had prepared together, a dinner peppered with as many kisses as bites of food, Jim sat Blair down on the couch. Blair looked up at him, a question in eyes, when Jim did not join him. 

"What's up, big guy?" 

"Well, I told you I had this whole scene planned tonight..." 

"Jim, you're not going to get down on one knee are you?" 

Jim eyed his lover, "Sandburg, if you're laughing at me..." 

"Sorry, but do me a favor and stay on your feet, okay?" 

Jim sat down heavily on the couch. "Why do you always make things difficult for me?" 

"I'm sorry, really, I'll behave." 

Jim pulled a small velvet box from the pocket in his sweatpants. "I know that an engagement ring is not exactly appropriate, but I wanted something to mark the occasion." He opened the box and held up a platinum ring on a chain. "This was my grandfather's wedding band. I thought about resizing it, but we hadn't discussed wearing rings, so I put it on this chain. I know it may seem silly, but will you wear it?" 

"Damn, Jim. That's not silly at all." Jim could hear the catch in his voice and in his breathing. "I think it's perfect. This has turned out to be a hell of a day." All the other events of the day forgotten in the wake of this evening. He positioned himself so that Jim could put the ring around his neck. He couldn't help but smile. 

""Blair, are you sure that you're okay with it? You don't feel pushed into something that goes against your grain?" 

"Not at all, Jim. I love you." 

"I love you, too." 

* * *

Two days later, on a lazy Sunday afternoon, Blair was laying under a sheet, naked except for the ring around his neck, looking over notes for his next day's class. Jim lay next to him, and the feel of a large, strong hand gently caressing his butt, was making his mind wander. His eyes blinked heavily as he fought to concentrate. 

"Hey, Jim, when are we going to do it?" 

Jim squeezed Blair's ass gently, wedging one finger between his cheeks. "Right now, if you want." 

Blair shook his head, and slowly turned over, which only served to bring his lover's hand in contact with his semi-hard cock. He picked up the hand and held it. "I mean the ceremony." 

"June." 

"June?" 

"Yeah, I figured school's out, we already have vacation planned. It just works out." 

"So, do you have everything else worked out, too? And are you going to let me in on it?" 

"No, that's it. The rest is on you. I did the asking - you do the planning." 

"Hey, don't think you're going to turn me into the blushing bride in this deal." 

"Blair, I'm no good at that sort of thing." 

"I think we should plan it out together." 

"I trust you, you do it." 

"Okay, Jim. I guess I'll just track down Naomi and tell her she has carte blanche to throw together a little commitment ceremony. Although I can't guarantee you'll like what she's into this month. But hey, I can get into the idea of a mud ritual and ceremonial piercing." 

"You're fighting dirty, Sandburg." 

"Fighting to win, big guy." 

"Fine, count me in." 

"I knew you'd see things my way. Must be my indubitable charm." 

Jim mumbled something that to Blair sounded a lot like "Smartass." 

* * *

By the time Spring Break came around, and Blair was off for a week in Baja with Naomi, all plans for the commitment ceremony were pretty much settled. Naomi had no interest in planning the affair, something Blair did not divulge to his lover, but she was excited about it, and was looking forward to a week of what she called 'preparing him spiritually for his lifelong journey'. 

The ceremony was to take place at Stephen's place on the lake. A beautiful octagonal home with a deck that wrapped around one with a spectacular view of the mountains in the background. Stephen had gladly offered its use especially as that came to be the one thing Jim and Blair could not agree on. 

Jim had been surprised at how conventional his unconventional lover had turned out to be, once they started working on the details of the ceremony. Aside, of course, from the fact that Blair wanted Jim to get his nipple pierced so that Blair could give _him_ an engagement ring. But, Blair had insisted on traditional wedding rings, and so they picked out matching textured bands in white gold. Even though the ceremony was for personal reasons, Blair felt the rings also made a statement. He wanted an instantly recognized symbol of their commitment. Having to deal with the fact that their union wouldn't be sanctioned on so many levels, Blair wanted the rings to show that they had still made their vow, and that despite anything else, it was just as strong, just as meaningful. 

And Blair was also the one who wanted a minister. Or not necessarily a minister, but someone who represented the spiritual aspect of their union. Jim didn't go along with some of the more unorthodox suggestions, and there were no rabbis or priests to officiate, so Jim located a minister through the Gay and Lesbian group he had been volunteering for who agreed to act as celebrant. 

They had planned for a small gathering. Blair had invited a few friends from school, and they also invited Simon and the rest of those from the station that they felt would be comfortable, plus Naomi, Stephen, and even Jim's dad, who was finally making progress in his relationship with Jim, albeit slow progress. But when the word got out, more people asked to be invited. Nearly all of Major Crimes, and an additional number from various University departments increased the guest list. Jim and Blair were surprised, but pleased. To top it all off, Simon had taken over reception duty, arranging for the food and the music as part of his wedding gift. 

All in all, everything had shaped up very nicely. 

* * *

**PRESENT DAY:**

Blair blinked; looking again at those assembled outside. He couldn't see the deck where everything was set up, but people were moving off in that direction. Checking his watch again, he saw that he had ten more minutes, and he wanted to see Jim. He walked over to the door, opening it a little, peering around it. Maybe if he could dodge Naomi, he could steal a few minutes with Jim before things got underway. 

* * *

**PRESENT DAY:**

Jim tried to control his nervousness as he and Simon pulled up to Stephen's lakeside home. He got out, automatically reaching out for the presence of his lover. The familiar heartbeat came to him - somewhere inside the house and beating rapidly. Mumbling something at Simon, he headed towards the front doors, making it only as far as the foyer before Naomi was turning him around and shooing him back outside. She scolded him for disrupting the calm that she was trying to create, and warned him not to disturb Blair, who was meditating. 

At a total loss as to how to explain how he knew Blair was _not_ meditating, he allowed himself to be let out, relaxing somewhat when, moments later, Blair's heart took up its normal steady rhythm. He sent up a silent prayer that nothing would go wrong with their plans. 

Turning abruptly, he made his way around to the deck, and slipped through the sliding glass doors, keeping an ear out for Naomi's whereabouts. He followed his partner's heartbeat to a room near the back. Once at the door, he hesitated. There were no sounds of movement, just breathing. Maybe Blair _was_ finally meditating. He ducked into the adjacent bathroom, deciding to wait for Blair to finish. 

He was overwhelmed with a sense of how lucky he was. Lucky to have Blair in his life, lucky that Blair wanted to stand beside him today and make public declarations, lucky that they had overcome the obstacles that had arisen. He closed the door and sat on the closed toilet lid, thinking. Images of Blair flashed through his mind - from the first time he had ever laid eyes on him to this morning as Blair had kissed him goodbye and left with Naomi. A barrage of memories that made Jim realize again how very lucky he was. 

* * *

**FLASHBACK:**

As he packed his bag to go spend the weekend in Baja with Blair and Naomi, Jim tried to tell himself that he did not have an irrational sense of fear about Spring Break. He just wanted to be with him, he argued, it had nothing to do with how he almost lost control of his life the last time his lover had spent Spring Break with his mother. At least Alec was no longer a threat, never had been if the detective was totally honest with himself. In fact, Jim had stayed true to his word and extended the hand of friendship towards Alec, and it had been accepted, although , he guessed, it was somewhat cautiously. And even so, there hadn't been much time to fully act upon it. Ever since the decision had been made to have a ceremony, life had gotten crazy again, especially for Blair. 

Between working at the station, teaching his classes, meeting after meeting about his dissertation, not to mention the reviewing and rewriting. Add to that hashing out the specifics of the commitment ceremony, and Blair was pretty much going non-stop. He had finally gone to Simon and requested a leave of absence until after he had successfully defended his work, and the school year had ended. Until after the Hawaii trip, actually. 

So Jim told himself that this was just a little weekend getaway, a stolen moment of fun, not admitting that he felt so much better going than staying. 

And it did turn out to be a fun time, even with Naomi's constant advising about maintaining 'oneness' on various planes of existence. Too soon, he was back, his first week alone since last year, and he threw himself into his work. Then, Blair was back, and the sprint to the dissertation finish line was on, wedding plans were finalized, and Jim resigned himself to living with a man who had practically zero free time. 

Jim started hanging out with Simon again to fill the time. They went out for beers after work, once or twice stopping at a little jazz club they both liked, slipping easily into the familiar roles of friends. 

* * *

Jim got up to go the bathroom to relieve himself of the 3 beers he had consumed and also to distance himself a little from intense atmosphere surrounding him in the sports bar. The noise and smoke were starting to bother him. 'Time to go home,' he thought. 'Wind down and wait for Blair, or better yet, track him down at the library and drag him home early for a change.' 

He made his way towards the men's room, turning to go down the narrow hallway past the payphones when he bumped into a large, solid form. Caught off guard, he stumbled a little, recovered and looked at the man to apologize. His world tilted. Looking into the man's eyes, he couldn't speak. The man's heartbeat sounded loudly in his ears, vying with the pounding in his own chest. Jim felt a peculiar feeling in the pit of his stomach and then the man brushed past him with a mumbled "sorry", and was gone. Jim didn't realize that he hadn't moved until Simon was standing next to him calling his name. He gave Simon half-hearted assurances that he was okay and fled the bar. 

He walked aimlessly, reaching out, searching, feeling so odd, and hating that someone out there was responsible. He wouldn't or couldn't actually admit that he was affected so strongly by someone's heartbeat, someone not Blair. Still, it took almost every ounce of his will not to dial up his hearing and filter out all other sounds until that heartbeat was all that was left. Self-preservation kept him from stepping into that minefield of certain zone-out. He stopped walking and leaned against the nearest building, getting his bearings. When he had calmed himself, he went to his truck and drove home. 

Back at the loft, Jim grabbed a beer, then put it back, getting a bottle of water instead. He needed to be clear-headed, at least until he figured out what was happening. Not wanting to explain the experience, he hesitated to call Blair. He had just reconsidered, picking up the phone, when there was a knock on the door. 

He reached out to see if he could identify the person on the other side of the door, and his own heart sped up at the heartbeat he heard. He opened the door, and sure enough, there was the man from the bar. Slightly taller than Jim, broader than Jim also. Curly black hair cut short on the sides, gray showing at the temples. And those eyes - stormy, gray eyes. Jim looked into those eyes and thought, 'I'm going crazy, just out of my mind.' 

And then the man said, "Hey Ell, can I come in?" 

And when Jim heard that name said in that voice, he knew. He wasn't going crazy, he was just living in a world where reality was very, very twisted. 

The man stepped inside, grasping Jim's arm when it looked as if Jim's legs would not hold him. 'He looks like he's seen a ghost,' the man thought. 'But then again, I guess he has.' Chase Jones shut the door to the apartment and led Jim over to the couch. 

* * *

"Ell...Jimmy, are you all right?" 

The deep voice pierced Jim's consciousness like a stab from a knife. "I don't think so. There's a dead man on my couch." 

Chase laughed a little. "Well, suffice it to say, the reports of my death..." 

Jim cut him off. In his mind he was screaming, but his voice was low and calm. "I advise you not to joke about this C.J." His heart lurched as he said the nickname that he hadn't said in years, a name that still slipped easily off of his tongue. "You're dead. I was told you were dead, I believed you were dead. You're dead." 

"Yeah, well technically, Chase did die. And now so has who he's been the last twenty years. Now, I'm just retired businessman, Conrad James. I just bought a place up near the Canadian border, and I hope to live the rest of Conrad James' life in peace. I could use some peace." 

"Are you trying to tell me that the military faked your death? And, you've been doing, what? Living under assumed identities for 20 years? That smacks more of Agency work." 

"Gray areas, Ell. Look, I'd like to tell you about it...about everything." 

"Twenty years, C.J. I held it in for almost twenty years. Our relationship, your death, the ache of never having said goodbye. I kept it hidden because until recently I wasn't strong enough to even acknowledge it. I don't want to talk about it. Chase is dead, and I don't want to hear anything _Conrad_ has to say." 

But even as he said the words, he knew they were a lie. He _did_ want to hear, _needed_ to hear everything. For Blair's sake as well as his own. Some things needed to be faced. 

Chase must have recognized the lie as well, or either just chose to ignore Jim's statement, because he continued on. 

"I was young, eager, no family to speak of. Prime pickings. I swear, when I left you, I had no idea what the real agenda was. And when I found out, I didn't exactly jump for it, but they convinced me. I'm sorry you had to deal with my 'death'. I couldn't contact you, but I kept tabs on you through a network of sources, following the events of your life as best I could. When I learned that you were alive and back from Peru, I went and got drunk. I was so relieved. I drank myself into a stupor just to keep from trying to contact you." There was no reaction from Jim, and Chase took that as a sign to continue. "You were a damned good soldier, and you turned into a damned good cop. I always thought that you were a hell of a man." 

Jim looked at Chase, seeing a face familiar and alien at the same time. Hearing a voice that was familiar also, but that sounded so strange resounding in the loft. 

"When I was deciding on where to retire to, I admit that I was influenced by the fact that you were in the area, even though I swore I would never look you up. But the closer I got to the Northwest, the more I wanted to see you. I mean to be this close. I've sort of been following you for a few days, and tonight I just had trouble keeping my distance." Jim still hadn't spoken, had barely blinked and Chase was unsure what else to say. "You were the last _real_ thing in my life, Jimmy. The last person who really knew _me_. I just need to feel connected to real life again." 

Jim finally found his voice. "Chase, look..." 

"I know this is a bit much, hell, it's monumental. It's probably the wrong thing to do. Definitely the wrong thing, if you ask my ex-bosses. But, Ell.." 

Jim turned at the sound of the key in the door, surprised that he had been so distracted that he hadn't even registered his lover's approach. 

Blair backed through the door, arms full, dragging more stuff. "Hey, Jim, how come everytime I _need_ you to beat me to the door..." He turned around, noticing that Jim had company. "Oh hey, what's up?" 

Jim stood. "Uh, Blair, this is...Conrad James, an old friend from the service. Conrad, Blair." 

Blair walked over, hand out. "Hey Conrad. Passing through?" He looked over at Jim who was standing stiffly beside Chase. 

"Um, yeah." Chase shook Blair's hand. "Yeah, on my way to my new place upstate, just happened to stop in Cascade for a few. Been on the road, taking my time. I ran into Jim at a bar." He rose from the couch. "Look, I better be going." He turned to Jim. "Ellison, I'll be in town for a few more days, maybe we could get together - catch up and whatnot." 

"Uh, sure." 

"Nice meeting you, Blair." 

"Yeah, you too, man." He walked over to the door with Chase, who gave one last look in Jim's direction, then left. Blair closed the door behind him. 

"Whoa. He's a friend of yours?" 

"Yeah, why?" 

"The vibes are strange, man." 

"Well, the thing about friends you make in the service is that all the memories aren't good ones." Jim finally relaxed a little. "I'm glad you're home." 

"Me too. I'm beat. I fell asleep at my desk and decided that I could do much better than that. After all, I had a warm bed and warm body at home waiting for me." 

He went and hugged Jim, sensing the tension. "Come on, big guy. Let's go up. You need to relax." 

Once in bed, they lay with Blair in Jim's arms. Jim tried to let the sounds of heartbeat and breathing soothe him, but his mind wouldn't let go enough. He knew that he should tell Blair who Conrad really was, and that he shouldn't be thinking about seeing Chase again. But he didn't, and he was. 

* * *

Jim ended up seeing Chase every night for a week. The first night he called Blair to tell him that he was going out. He had agreed to meet Chase in a bar, picking a place he never frequented. They talked and drank, drank and talked. Night after night, they did the same thing, basically spilling their guts in an attempt to bridge a 20 year gap. Most nights Blair beat him home. And on the fifth night, Blair was already in bed when Jim got home. Jim crawled in next to him, not touching him under the guise of not wanting to disturb him. Not facing the knot of guilt sitting like a lead ball in his gut. 

Blair spoke sleepily. "You stink. Smoke." 

"Sorry, I guess I've been filtering it out." 

"I don't know if I like this. All this carousing. You're not out picking up women trying to get in one last fling before you take the big plunge are you?" 

"Chief..." 

"Lighten up, Jim. I'm joking. You know I trust you. Come on, roll over here. You're too far away." 

Jim rolled off the bed. 

"Jim, I was just teasing. Don't be mad." 

"I'm not mad, just going to take a quick shower." 

"Hurry back." 

When he came back upstairs, Blair had already fallen back to sleep. He got in and spooned up behind his lover, anyway, and lay there, thinking. 

* * *

Jim was ducking him. Chase had seen him every night for a week, postponing the final leg of his trip to spend those evenings drinking with his old lover. They had talked about everything. Or rather, Chase had done most of the talking. But they had covered almost everything. Jim told him that Blair knew about him; of course not that Conrad was really Chase, but that Jim had been in love with him. They talked about being together; they talked about being apart, and they talked about their lives after each other. His service in the military had been hard on Chase, stretching the limits of what one would do in the name of patriotism. The man he had become was struggling to hang on to that nugget of Chase Jones that had been hidden away for so many years. He didn't like to think it, but Jim was a lifeline. Not just somebody that knew him, but somebody that had loved him. And because he had 'died', they had never had a messy breakup, or a period of growing apart. Their love stood in the past, uncorrupted and unchanged. But of course, in the present, everything was changed, and there would be no future. But Chase knew that he wasn't there to try to be Jim's lover. He still loved him, but didn't know if could ever be in love with anybody again. But he couldn't get past the idea that to connect with Jim, was to connect with _Chase_. The talking had helped. To share what he had gone through, to have Jim share with him was just what the doctor ordered. The hardest part had been listening to Jim talking about hearing that Chase was dead. He wished he had been able to spare Jim that pain. 

And now Jim was ducking him. He said he would be working a stakeout, but Chase had been watching and Jim had been home every night. Chase looked both ways and crossed the street to Jim's building. 

Jim was uneasy when he answered the knock on his door. He didn't need Sentinel senses to guess who it was. He considered not answering, but he realized that if Chase was knocking he had already figured out that the stakeout line had been an excuse. 

"I just came to say goodbye, Ell. This wasn't a good idea, but I'm glad that I did it." 

"I'm sorry, C.J. It's not you, it's me. Or rather me and Blair. I can't keep lying, but I don't see how I can tell him. He has issues about the idea of you. I'm sorry." 

"Don't be. I can't even begin to explain how much this has meant to me. And I'm the one who should be sorry, dropping into your life from the great beyond. I knew it would be a shock, but I didn't intend to cause trouble. Chase _is_ dead, I guess I just wanted you to be able to be _Conrad's_ friend." 

Jim shook his head. "Knowing who you are, Blair wouldn't be comfortable with you in my life, and if he doesn't know - I'm not comfortable." 

Chase nodded, turning to leave. "Jimmy, you know..." 

"You don't have to say it Chase... I know. I know." 

The two men came together in a hug, the love between them unsaid, but heartfelt. 

* * *

Blair turned the corner to see Jim speaking to his friend Conrad at the door to the loft. Then the two men hugged. 'Must finally be hitting the road again,' he thought. But then the words registered and he stopped dead. 'Chase... I know.' He couldn't shake the echo, 'Chase.... Chase.... Chase..." He felt slightly sick and ducked back around the corner. He heard Conrad get on the elevator, as he leaned against the wall and slid to the floor. 'Impossible, can't be. Not Chase. Jim said Chase was dead.' He tried to calm his heart, half-expecting Jim to come racing down the hall to see what was going on. When he didn't, Blair found that he felt worse, totally disconnected. He got to his feet and went down the stairs and just started walking. 

* * *

Jim watched Chase get on the elevator, becoming distracted by a sound down the hall. He didn't see anything, but he _felt_ Blair. He started to tune in harder or go investigate, but turned and went back inside the apartment. 'What you hear, Ellison, is the sound of guilt.' 

* * *

Blair started up the street, head down, fury and anguish taking up residence in his head, his heart, and every nerve fiber running through his body. He was trying to understand everything, trying to calm himself so that he could deal with whatever was going on. But his feelings were too strong for thought. He needed answers... _now_. He turned on his heel and strode back to his apartment. 

* * *

Blair entered the apartment and dropped his bag. His blood boiled at the sight of Jim just sitting on the couch calmly staring at the TV screen. That Jim could be calm while he was feeling like he could actually just drop to his knees and vomit made Blair feel even worse. 

Startled out of his thoughts by Blair's entrance, Jim made as if to greet him. His mouth opened to speak, but Blair's words effectively shut him up. 

"Are you sleeping with him?" 

"Huh, what?" 

"Are you _fucking_ him? Conrad." 

"No!" 

"Well then what is it? Because you've been _lying_ to me and I want to know _why_." 

Jim's protests drowned in the sea of his duplicity, and he spoke the only truth he could. "Blair, you are the only one for me." 

"Oh yeah? What about _Chase_?" 

Blindsided and guilty, Jim stammered. "Wh-what?" 

"Just stop! Stop lying. I _know_ that Conrad is really Chase Jones. So stop playing this game with me and tell me what the _hell_ is going on." 

"It's so crazy, I don't even know what to say." 

"How about: 'The love of my life came back from the dead and I want to be with him'. Or was that whole story about him being dead just more lies?" 

"That's why I didn't want to tell you about it. I knew you'd get upset. Overreact." 

"Upset? I'm not upset, Jim. I'm pissed! And maybe if I had an _inkling_ about what the hell is happening, it would be different. Maybe if you had just talked to me straight out." 

"Maybe if I thought you could have handled it, I would have." Despite himself, Jim felt his anger growing, his emotions pushing him to latch onto one he could deal with, lashing out even though the anger he felt was really directed towards himself. 

"Fuck you, Ellison! Don't try to twist this around and act like I'm being unreasonable because I'm pissed! This is _so_ totally on you! _No_ excuses, _no_ secrets, _no_ competition. I thought we had worked back to that. Dammit, we're supposed to get married next month!" 

Blair stopped, chest heaving with his outburst, as a thought occurred to him. 

"Is that what this is all about? That you don't want to go through with the ceremony? You used Alec to push me away before, is that what _this_ is?" Blair went on without giving Jim time to answer. "You know, I've always absorbed the blow, processed it, calmed myself and come back to you to make you see that together we can work through anything. But not this time. Maybe you were right, maybe I wouldn't have handled it well. It's the one thing I never thought I would have to really face \- Chase and what he was to you. Because he was dead, after all. But this has messed me up, and _you_ need to deal with what it's done. And I don't even know if there's anything you can say or do." 

Jim wanted to run, wanted to push, was afraid to face the results of what he'd done and could actually feel the familiar mechanisms try to click into place. But with the passionate anger of the man he loved staring him in the face, he realized the truth of it. This was their life and if he wanted it to continue, he _would_ have to deal with it. He couldn't push because Blair was saying up front that he wouldn't push back. He didn't know what to do or say either, but decided the truth would be the best place to start. 

He stood up and went to stand next to his lover. 

"Imagine how you would feel if somebody you cared about, someone you thought was dead, is suddenly standing in front of you, larger than life. When I first became aware of him, I almost _zoned_..." 

He told Blair the story of his first encounter with Chase, then told of his subsequent meetings with him. 

"All we ever did was talk. Chase needed to unburden, to explain about...everything. What happened, why he was alive. You know, things you do in the military for your country can be a bitch. And I needed to deal with _him_ , or rather the idea of him, the idea of him being alive." 

Jim made himself keep his eyes on Blair, not look away. He wanted to touch him, but felt he shouldn't. He was grateful that at least Blair's breathing was more normal. 

"I knew that I should tell you, but you always tensed up at even the mention of his name. You try to hide it, but I noticed. You were the only person that even knew about him and what he was to me, but after that first time, I never felt comfortable sharing the memories that popped up every now and then - good or bad. I thought your feelings would be hurt." 

Blair ran his hands through his hair, his shoulders slumped, but at least feeling steadier. "Fine, maybe I have a problem with him, but you never gave me a chance to deal with it, to get over it. I should have talked to you, too, but I figured what did it matter? Wouldn't ever really be an issue, right? But, you know, it's like everytime there's something major, we're no longer in it together. And now there's something _very_ major - you and Chase and all that's between you, all that's been going on..." 

"Chief, Chase and I... we still care about each other. We found that we still have a bond. Maybe it's because we started out as lovers, but it's also because of all the shit we went through in the service. Separate, but sort of the same. His experience was more intense, but it's like we both survived plane crashes, even if it was on different planes." 

Blair's eyes were on him, and for the first time that evening, he felt glimmerings of hope. 

"Being lovers... well, that was a long time ago. I have no idea how things would have turned out if we had continued our relationship, but we've both moved on. It's just that there was no real goodbye. Even _I_ could figure out that we needed closure." 

Jim moved closer, as close as he could get without touching. Insinuating himself in Blair's space as a reminder that he was still there, still _wanted_ to be there, willing Blair to finish hearing him out. 

"Okay, Blair. No excuses - I should have told you everything from the beginning. We should have talked about it. I apologize for that. I wasn't using him as a way to push you, but I should have remembered how it felt to see something from the outside even when it's innocent." 

He moved his hand up and ran it down Blair's arm, his finger trailing softly down the back of his lover's hand. 

"No secrets - That's everything now. Except for the fact that _Conrad_ wants us to be friends. I told him I didn't think you would be comfortable with that. I wasn't going to be spending anymore time with him." 

He hooked Blair's fingers with one of his own, holding them loosely as he spoke again. 

"No competition - I wasn't sleeping with him. I'm not tempted. I'm not torn. I know _exactly_ who I love and where I belong. I love _you_. I want to be with _you_." 

Blair latched tightly onto Jim's finger. "Damn you, Ellison. I can never stay mad at you. I can't even hold onto it long enough to make you beg for my forgiveness." 

Jim dropped to his knees. "I'm begging. Can you forgive me?" 

Blair tugged on Jim's hand. "Get up, I said I wasn't mad." 

"I know, but do you understand? Are you okay?" 

"I was hurt and I was angry. But I was also jealous and scared. I mean we're talking about _Chase_." 

"Blair, there is only you for me. No other man, no other woman. I'm sorry that I violated your trust, but you don't have to worry about anyone else. Do you _forgive_ me?" 

"Yes. As long as you forgive me for jumping to conclusions...again. Come on, get up." 

"Will you marry me?" 

"I already said yes to that." 

"But do you still _mean_ it?" 

"Yes, I do. Come here." 

He got Jim to his feet and led him out onto the balcony in the moonlight. He held Jim's hands in both of his, the emotions inside him strong and solid. He spoke quietly, but his voice was filled with the force of his feelings. 

"You're my partner. In all things, in all ways. There was a time when I _hated_ that word, it didn't seem like enough. But it fits - _we_ fit. Partners in work, in love, in life. I love you and I want you by my side forever." 

Jim's voice was strong as he answered, but Blair could see the moisture gleaming in his eyes. "You're my Guide - not just in finding my way as a Sentinel, but in living life to the fullest. You're my best friend \- no one in my life has ever wanted to know me the way you do - inside and out. You're my lover - the one that has my heart, my body _and_ my mind. You are my life." He repeated Blair's words. "I love you and I want you by my side forever." 

Their arms went around each other and they stood there in the night breeze \- joined. 

* * *

**PRESENT DAY:**

Jim heard the bedroom door opening and moved into action. He snatched open the bathroom door in time to see his lover peering into the hall. As soon as Blair stepped out of the room, Jim pulled him into the bathroom and closed the door behind them. 

"Jim, hey! Man, you scared me to death, but you're just the man I was looking for." 

"Good, because I'm just the man you've got." 

"Uh, why are you skulking around in a bathroom?" 

"I was waiting for you. Naomi said that you were meditating. I didn't want to disturb you." 

"Well, mostly I was just thinking." 

"Yeah, me too. Thank you." 

"For what?" 

"For being here, for being...mine." 

"Yeah, well, you're stuck with me. Now let's go get this show on the road." 

Blair lifted his face to kiss Jim, but Jim stepped back. 

"Uh, uh, no way, Chief." 

"No way what? No kissing? Honeymoon over before the ceremony has even started?" 

"Very funny. No kissing because that's how it all starts. One minute we're kissing, the next you'll be making me mess up my good pants." 

"Who me?" 

"Out, Sandburg. Let's go get married." 

"I'm already committed to you. You know that, right?" 

"Yeah, I'm stuck with you. And I wouldn't have it any other way." 

* * *

Vows said, congratulations given. Jim and Blair, Blair and Jim. Another step taken. People were heading for the food, the DJ was playing tunes, and the happy couple was smiling. 

Blair heard the beginning of a song and turned to Jim. "Wanna _move_ with me?" 

//Ain't there something I can give you   
In exchange for everything you give to me?  
You read my mind and make me feel just fine  
When I think my peace of mind is out of reach.  
The scales are sometimes unbalanced  
And you bear the weight of all that has to be.  
I hope you see that you can lean on me -  
And together we can calm the stormy sea.  
We love so strong and so unselfishly...// 

Jim took Blair in his arms and started to dance. Moving slowly to the music, moving but essentially staying in the same spot, looking into each others' eyes, still smiling, 

//And I tell you now that I made a vow  
And I'm giving you the best that I got, baby...// 

Jim pulled Blair in tighter. Loving the feel of Blair in his arms, loving the feel of Blair in his life. 

//Somebody understands me  
Somebody gave his hand to me  
I stumbled my whole life long - always on my own.  
Now I'm home and my weary mind is rested -  
And I feel as if my home is in your arms.  
My fears are all gone - I like the sound of your song,  
And I think I want to sing it forever.  
We love so strong and so unselfishly...// 

Blair leaned into Jim's body. Letting the music surround him, letting Jim's arms surround him, letting Jim's love surround him. 

//And I made a vow, so I tell you now  
That I'm giving you the best that I got, baby.  
I bet everything on my wedding ring -  
Giving it to you baby,  
Giving you the best that I got.// 

* * *

Alec watched Jim and Blair dancing from his position further down the lake. He was happy for them, had wanted to be there, but had felt that maybe it was best not to be present. He had gone to Blair with his regrets and his gift, but this morning he had gotten the urge to somehow share his friend's day. It was good to see Blair so happy. He hoped Jim never forgot how lucky he was. 

He nearly jumped out of his skin when a deep voice rumbled behind him. 

"Thinking of crashing the festivities?" 

Flustered, Alec turned around and looked up into the most handsome face he had ever seen. A face with striking gray eyes, lined at the corners. Eyes that were sparked with something that Alec couldn't quite decipher. A face that featured a strong mouth set in a half smile. 

Alec coughed to cover up his embarrassment and spoke in a tone harsher than he intended. "Actually I was invited." 

He was thrown even more off balance when the man just arched an eyebrow and waited, making Alec feel as if he should explain further. 

"I _was_ , but I decided that it might be better if I kept my distance." 

Alec kept his eyes on the man and stubbornly refused to explain any more than that. 

The man answered, "I know the feeling." He extended his hand and smiled when Alec visibly relaxed. "Conrad James." 

"Alec. Alec Grayson." 

As Alec shook his hand, Conrad thought, 'He has such kind eyes.' 

Alec started to turn back to the reception scene, then did an abrupt about-face. "Oh my God, you're him! Jim's ex!" Alec didn't know much about the situation. Blair had only said that someone from Jim's past had shown up, an ex-lover, and that Alec wouldn't believe the rest of the story even if Blair had told him. 

Conrad almost laughed. He had never been referred to in that way before. "Yeah, I guess I am. Twenty years removed, though." 

He watched the younger man, telling himself that he was retiring, was looking forward to peace and solitude, that what he was thinking was definitely _not_ a good idea. Still, he felt himself drawn to Alec, drawn to the kindness in those eyes, and to someone whose past life could be considered harsh at best, kindness was very compelling. 

"Alec, what do you say, want to go somewhere and drink a toast to the newlyweds?" 

Alec looked into the unfathomable depths of Conrad's eyes and wanted to very much. He couldn't explain it, but found himself saying, "Okay, I know a place, follow me." 

* * *

As the song ended, Jim leaned down and whispered in Blair's ear. "I have something to show you." 

"What?" 

"Follow me, and you'll see." Jim started walking around to the side of the house, holding on to Blair (who was actually resisting) by the arm. 

"Jim, we kinda have company here. You know, all of these people here stuffing their faces and dancing." 

"Yeah, but this can't wait." 

"What is it that can't wait until after everybody's gone home?" 

"Okay, It _can_ wait, but I don't want it to wait." 

"Jim..." 

"Blair.... Okay, you know how we're supposed to leave tomorrow for Hawaii?" 

"Yeah, and...?" 

"Well, there's been a change of plans." 

"What do you mean 'a change of plans'?" 

They rounded the corner, moving past Simon's car to the garage. 

"Well, I have sort of a surprise." He pulled up the garage door. 

"Oh, shit!" Blair moved forward, eyes sparkling as he ran a hand along the leather seat. "Jim, this is..." 

"Our honeymoon." 

"What? You cashed in our tickets to Hawaii for a Harley?!" 

"Not exactly. It's ours for a trial run. It's C.J.'s." Jim found it easier to say that name than Conrad, and was working on not referring to him as Chase. He was glad that there were no longer any strained feelings about his old friend on Blair's part. 

"You know, it would have been okay if he was here, Jim." 

"I know, I guess he felt like Alec. That maybe today wasn't a good time to make his presence known. Anyway, he rode this across country, making his way here. But since the place he bought is kind of remote, he just got a Jeep. He asked me if I knew anybody who might want a bike and it got me to thinking. I told him I'd like to try it out. If it works out, I'll buy it from him. Especially since I have a score to settle with you." 

"A score to settle?" 

"Yeah, a certain _Dr._ Sandburg seems to find the idea of me and motorcycles very amusing." 

Blair flushed with pleasure at the reference to his doctorate, as well as the idea of Jim on a motorcycle. 

"So where are we going?" 

"Wherever we want. We have two weeks of complete freedom. And...I have been giving a little thought to that engagement ring idea you had. Maybe you can spend some time convincing me." 

Blair felt the heat rise in his body, responding to all of the images now running through his mind. Maybe he had underestimated Jim and this whole power thing. And Jim's next words did _not_ help. 

"And wait until you see the gear..." 

Blair was spurred to action. He turned to go closer to Jim, then all of a sudden spun and headed out of the garage. 

Jim called out to him. "Where are you going?" 

"To kick these people out of here. I love them dearly, but they gotta go." 

"Blair, we don't leave until tomorrow. We still have time to celebrate with our friends." 

Blair took a breath, trying to control his desire. "Jim, I have a feeling that this honeymoon is about to kick into high gear, in a hurry. So, I think we need to be alone." He took off, not waiting for Jim to follow. 

Jim shook his head, smiling as he closed up the garage. He could hear Blair rounding people up. Throwing out lines like - 'Thanks for coming... sorry to cut the party short... been a long day... early start tomorrow... no, _we'll_ clean up, don't worry... yadda, yadda, yadda.' He went to go be by his partner's side, but not before grabbing the bag that held some items he thought they might get some use out of before the night was over. 

* * *

Partners...that's what they were. More than friends, closer than family, with a relationship that was good as well as unique. And it was more than enough. Jim and Blair both gave heartfelt thanks to the powers that be for guiding, touching, and joining them. 

Partners... life-partners... as it was destined to be. 

THE END


End file.
